What Evelyn feels

I am a BBW. My siblings told me I have a beautiful face, but if I were to lose the weight, I would be a knockout, a fox, etc. I was born 5 pounds and something ounces. I started gaining weight at the age of five-years-old. Ever since I can remember, I have been fat-shaming myself because I was taught to be ashamed of being fat, heavy, overweight, etc. I’ve had several close friends and even male-friends who would tell me not to be ashamed of my weight and to be confident, but it didn’t work. I’d look down at myself with anger. I tried eating the right foods and ended up so hungry I’d stuff my face, the entire night. I would eat only certain foods; but some I really don’t like and others I am allergic to, I won't eat. Some people who know me and who fat-shame would tell me, “For someone who doesn’t eat or are allergic to so many types of foods; why are you so big?” I'd only shrug, because I think maybe I am not allergic to junk food, the food that’s not good for me but I like and is known as the comfort food. This is just something I deal with almost every day.